Friday, January 30, 2009

Grieving for food

I'm kinda in a funk. Its all good its just that I want food. Or I want to be totally left alone to cope with this. I'm bored with this Optishite ( actually its not even that bad) its just that its Friday night, I would love to get some take away and a bottle of wine and what do I do when I cant?

I have found throughout the last 4 days on Opti I have noticed how many of my thoughts, actions, feelings and activities are based around food. Food punctuates every event and every waking thought and I really miss it. I really miss meat and fruit and carbs, crunchy chips or crackers or bread oh toast! Will I ever eat these things with joy again? Is this it? Do other people pine for food? My friend, my enemy its starting to feel like the acceptance stage of grief or maybe we're a little denial and a little acceptance still with a sprinkle of anger. As a mother food is one of the only things we can do or enjoy with kids around. We stay home an awful lot cause its just too hard to get out babysitting, money etc so you stay home and what..... eat, cook, eat or cook or get someone else to cook and then eat some more. Watch a movie - with food - go on a picnic - with food - go to someone elses house - take food - get kids off to school - pack food - food food food I'm freaking over this and this is why I want a band and yet here I am without a band fighting this horrendous, neverending fight. I'm starting to want to scream!!!!!!!!!!

So, yes I can eat, but more f$%^&ing vegetables. So I try to make them interesting but you know what? Its still f#$%^ing vegetables. I just want a piece of meat with my vegetables not a freakin foul milkshake. I have no inkling for maccas kfc or any other shite for that matter I just want meat. Could this be some weird protein overdose like a dog who eats raw meat for the first time and gets a taste for blood? I actually want chicken - I dont want a bleeding piece of cow. Would it be breaking if I had grilled chicken with my vegetables tonight instead of a revolting choc milkshake? Is that breaking or is having a burger or take away or wine breaking? Would that make me happy? Having chicken, would that make me happy? Or will it start the snowball rolling?

The dietician said they used to put people on low fat diets but they found that people were making all kinds of substitutes and not losing weight so Optishit is the best way to keep people on the straight and narrow. So would chicken prepared lovingly by an ex weight watcher be cheating? Funny thing is, I dont actually feel that hungry but also today I am actually not getting full either??? Strange, could there be something else at play here? Maybe PMT? Who knows? Must go my baked vegetables are ready (snore)


  1. Having just read my post I believe what I'm suffering is withdrawal from social over eating otherwise known as entertainment eating.

  2. Well first off what your going through i think is 100% normal for people who are on Optifast. its not "normal" to go that long w/ out food. I know when I am on my 6 days of liquids post fills I notice foods, restaurants I would NEVER notice before . Food kind of JUMPS out at you. It is a mourning of sorts. Pre op patients (Inculding myself ) go through this for a few reasons I think :
    1. They think they will never eat food again
    2. They think they will never eat GOOD food again .
    3. They think life as they know it with food is over.
    When the reality if this:
    1. Food post op becomes about QUALITY not QUANTITY
    2. Food post op becomes about QUALITY , you eat but you WANT Good quality proteins, veggies ect. because that is what makes you full.
    3. Food becomes something you eat to live not live to eat.
    4. Food becomes just "food" in all honesty food is not somthing you HAVE To enjoy . its somethihng you HAVE to eat to live. So will you eat thing you LIKE again sure, will you eat things you LOVE again ? Sure . But post op Food just becomes food . if you read post op blogs who are a yr out they think of food differently . You too will get that way .

    NOW as for the optifast. MY Doc ( NOTE this is my docs option and I am in NO WAY telling you to go against your docs advice ) does not make people do Optifast. He does not think its necessary . In all honesty I do not think its needed either. I think its torture for patients. DO SOME SUPER Obese patients need it ? maybe ? HOWEVER Look at it this way . Stick by what your doc says , follow the optifast until your surgery . its only a few weeks out of your life to get the best quality of life you can have. YOU CAN DO THIS . Will eating a piece of chicken screw it up ? I dont know . But do you REALLY want to wake up thinking you have a band and the doc say " SORRY we could not put the band in your liver is not small enough " and think " SHIT was it that chicken"
    You can do this hang in there !!!!

  3. Also for a new version of veggies if you can have them try this , its my FAVORITE .
    It might give you some variety for now .

  4. Hang in there at least the crappy Optifast stage is only short term it is not forever!
    It is so worth it. I know how hard it can be. I had to do optifast for 4 weeks before i got banded.
    Hang in there you can do it!
    Take care Tina:)

  5. Wow 4 weeks Tina! That would have undone me completely! Now I feel like a right whinger! Thank you so much for putting this into perspective - I think I've come to terms with it now, I've had so many opportunities to do little cheats here and there and now I actually dont want to - thats a big breakthrough for me! Must check out your blog Thank you for being there!

  6. My dietitian allowed a small piece of steak with veggies or an egg, a bit of cheese etc.

    If you are stuggling, ask! The worst thing she can say is no.

    I had a few dinners out and had steak and salad. It really did help!

    Chin up, not long to go now!!!


  7. I didn't have to do Optifast at all before surgery....go figure. In fact, I was allowed to eat the morning of my surgery....I was operated on at 7pm. I don't think a piece of grilled chicken would hurt....IF you can stop at that. Just ask your surgeon or ring his rooms and ask....they can only say no or suggest something else to quell the hunger?? You are doing really well...hang in there!!


Weight Loss From 27th January 2009