Friday, January 2, 2009

Oh how the mighty fall!

Never blogged, never forumed, never myspaced (only facebooked kicking and screaming just last 6 months to organise a reunion and i still have NEVER given a status report) and now here I am with a blog of my own within 12 hours of reading my first forum! and no I'm not computer illiterate I was just one of those mongs who thinks if you have a real life, live it, dont talk about it online but today that all changed........

Today I started looking into lap banding surgery. I have researched many times but this time its happening and I am wetting my pants with excitement! I have cracked the magic BMI of 40 (well 39 but lets not split hairs) and its time to go. So, I have learnt so much and met so many nice people just today through blogs and forums that I have decided I would like a comprehensive record of this process to help others and myself.

There will be plenty of pictures to come - feral as some will be. I'm still deciding how much of my identity I want to reveal I dont mind to strangers but I dont really want to connect with people in my real world cause quite frankly if they dont get to know me in reality, why be a voyeur and "snoop" online?

My story begins oh I dont know when or where to start but lets just say I lived the first half of my 35 years a perfect specimen of human being. Gorgeous smart talented blah blah blah. Had a few crap relationships in the teen years one particularly young and particularly bad and food became my friend. And then came the weight. Looking back I wasnt that bad in my early 20's but at the time I was consumed by it because lets face it, if you're not perfect then its a pretty big deal. So, I met my husband during one of my slim yo yo periods and I fell pregnant and we got married immediately in less than a year I was a wife and mother and had doubled my size yes 40kilos in one year! Well, you can imagine my husband was beside himself and has been ever since. On good days he can be very supportive and encouraging and at our lowest points he has called me names and treated me in ways I wouldn't wish upon my absolute worst enemy. So, you can imagine where this has left me - with a protective layer of 100 kilos of flesh on a 160cm frame (thats 200 odd pounds and 5ft 1 or 2 maybe). Sometimes I wear it well and sometimes I dont. People still say I'm attractive with a pretty face and a good personality but as I am often reminded, they're not married to me! I live in black black black black and would LOVE to wear a colour without feeling like an overripe piece of fruit. 

We had our 20 year school reunion this year and instead of doing a 6 month pre reunion beauty regime I uglied up! Yes, I was the biggest I've ever been I had my long blond hair cut off to an ugly limp bob (I did it myself in a Britney moment of madness - yes I can display some pretty insane behaviours) and died a hideous flat brown (also done by me) I wore my mothers clothes it just could not have been worse! The last time these people saw me I was the 50 kilo gorgeous vice Captain of the school and now.......woah! AND I organised the reunion!!!! Can you believe I brought this on myself!!!!!!!!!! I am a walking train crash - sometimes I just love to set myself up for disappointment!!! TOPS!!!! It was a record turn out and now I know why.. people just love to watch train crashes, have you seen YouTube? Its full of train crashes. Thats what everyone wanted to see - the Prom Queen gone horribly wrong it was worth the $45 a ticket - top entertainment! 

So its all over now. I know it is all out of my control now and I am turning to the last resort and I am STOKED about it. I have no illusions or delusions about how hard its going to be but here I am. My biggest fear is the liquid diet you have to do before hand! If I could go two weeks on liquid without having my stomach massively reduced I wouldnt need surgery in the first place thats why I'm doing this but I have to go through a baptism of fire first - great!

Enough for now, I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight now, I'm so excited about this whole thing including the blog. Stay tuned for all the gory details of the few things I've mentioned here - and boy does it get gory!

BTW I'm not telling anyone (except you guys) about the surgery except my husband (and no, he isnt forcing me into this it is totally my choice) so we'll see how that works out, should be interesting got some pretty close (sometimes suffocating) family and friends who will be shocked to the core when they find out - its gonna make for some pretty good soapiesque moments!

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Weight Loss From 27th January 2009