As soon as I walked in it hit me in a rush that I had let it get to this point - that this was now a medical condition and required surgery! How had things gotten this bad? Why did they have to know as soon as I walked in what I was there for? So I walk into a room full of big seats and medically supplied large lounge chairs and sit down on my own (everyone seemed to have someone with them) and the tears just started springing to my eyes and I could have had a melt down right there and then. This was turing out to be my AA moment - "My name is Shaggs and I am a foodaholic". There was a skinny girl inside me crying her eyes out saying "no,no ,no I don't belong here you've got it all wrong!" but here I am anyway - and yes, I suffer from clinical obesity - there - I said it. No more denial, there's no mistaking it, it is what it is but it doesnt really help to admit it, just makes me want to eat more because of the pain of realisation.
So anyway, the meeting was excellent, I loved the people who talked and the reasons why the clinic was developed and why they had big chairs (because of the indignities they had seen people suffer in "normal" situations the least they can do is provide a comfortable chair) I have just deleted an entire paragraph trying to explain how I feel about being there last night but I just couldnt find the right words and it kept coming out wrong. The fact of the matter is that if this was not a medical condition and was just about being lazy or slothish then there wouldnt be so many people suffering exercise and diet would work.
I have gotten some excellent responses to the whole is it really worth it question and so many of the answers were what I suspected but didnt just want to assume. I needed to hear it from people. I am soooooooooo excited about the surgery now. I totally trust the clinic I am going through now we just have to sort out the money side of things but I am ready to go and I'm so glad I have started some kind of control situation before the surgery and last night has given me even greater inspiration to keep on it (they said it was best to start sooner than later) That doesn't mean I wont be having a long series of "lasts" in the coming weeks!