THE black shirt dress! its not exactly the one I wanted but I do love it. It looks a little plain in the pic but it really comes alive with the right shoes and bra. It was bought to sell on ebay but today as I went to sell it I decided that perhaps its a keeper. I feel that this time next year it will be one of my summer favourites and this whole experience will be some weird faded memory. I may even get to wear it in winter with the gorgeous black knee high boots my husband bought me about 3 years ago that I have never been able to wear because my calves are too big (ie; fat and or muscularly oversized to carry my huge load).
The dress is a Portmans Size 12 and I can feel it on me already. Dare I dream lest I be disappointed? What if I am one of the ones it doesnt help? As quantity is my main issue (I love good food and exercise - junk and sugar aren't really my issue) the doctors and dietician seem to think I am a perfect candidate for the band so I just have to go with that and allow myself to dream to once again have faith that I can do this, I am in control and whatever life throws at me, I will be able to cope without lashing out on food and my body. I am saying what I need to say and letting go of what cant be said and not shoving it all down with food. I am ear bashing anyone who will listen (or no one and thats OK too) to this blog, I feel like the issues are fading into the past and now my only concerns are
1. Making it through Optifilth successfully
2. Not dying of nerves before going into the op theatre
3. Maintaining momentum after surgery (first fill is 6 weeks after surgery and I hate to think I'm going to be hungry during that time)
But really, I think I'll be ok. I've come such a long way without the band already I really cant see me coming apart cause things may not be completely right straight after. I'm just going to stick to the rules and make sure I never find out the pain of food being stuck, regurgitated or slipping through the system!
I'm worried about how much i've gained this weekend! I'm nowhere near hungry but I have been getting as much different foods I love in as possible so I'm a little concerned about weigh in tomorrow morning....
Anyway, there's enough time for punishment in the next two weeks....