Grieving for food

I'm kinda in a funk. Its all good its just that I want food. Or I want to be totally left alone to cope with this. I'm bored with this Optishite ( actually its not even that bad) its just that its Friday night, I would love to get some take away and a bottle of wine and what do I do when I cant?

I have found throughout the last 4 days on Opti I have noticed how many of my thoughts, actions, feelings and activities are based around food. Food punctuates every event and every waking thought and I really miss it. I really miss meat and fruit and carbs, crunchy chips or crackers or bread oh toast! Will I ever eat these things with joy again? Is this it? Do other people pine for food? My friend, my enemy its starting to feel like the acceptance stage of grief or maybe we're a little denial and a little acceptance still with a sprinkle of anger. As a mother food is one of the only things we can do or enjoy with kids around. We stay home an awful lot cause its just too hard to get out babysitting, money etc so you stay home and what..... eat, cook, eat or cook or get someone else to cook and then eat some more. Watch a movie - with food - go on a picnic - with food - go to someone elses house - take food - get kids off to school - pack food - food food food I'm freaking over this and this is why I want a band and yet here I am without a band fighting this horrendous, neverending fight. I'm starting to want to scream!!!!!!!!!!

So, yes I can eat, but more f$%^&ing vegetables. So I try to make them interesting but you know what? Its still f#$%^ing vegetables. I just want a piece of meat with my vegetables not a freakin foul milkshake. I have no inkling for maccas kfc or any other shite for that matter I just want meat. Could this be some weird protein overdose like a dog who eats raw meat for the first time and gets a taste for blood? I actually want chicken - I dont want a bleeding piece of cow. Would it be breaking if I had grilled chicken with my vegetables tonight instead of a revolting choc milkshake? Is that breaking or is having a burger or take away or wine breaking? Would that make me happy? Having chicken, would that make me happy? Or will it start the snowball rolling?

The dietician said they used to put people on low fat diets but they found that people were making all kinds of substitutes and not losing weight so Optishit is the best way to keep people on the straight and narrow. So would chicken prepared lovingly by an ex weight watcher be cheating? Funny thing is, I dont actually feel that hungry but also today I am actually not getting full either??? Strange, could there be something else at play here? Maybe PMT? Who knows? Must go my baked vegetables are ready (snore)

Vegie San Choy Bow (Lettuce Parcels)

Yum yum! is all I can say about this one. On Optifast I was missing eating parceled up food like sandwiches and I really like the crunch but without the carroty vegie taste so I invented this one, give it a try. Once again it complies with Optifast presurgery diet and is 0 points on Weight Watchers.

Spray a little olive oil spray or cooking spray or use non stick fry pan lightly fry some ginger, garlic and about 2 cups of shredded vegies perhaps:

Carrot

Cabbage

Onion

Fresh Beetroot

Zuchini (sic)

Bean shoots or whatever else you like from Opti list
I use woolworths pre packaged Rainbow Salad mix and coleslaw mix (no dressing) saves the time and work and makes it a no brainer and super quick for when you're starving. I like the vegies really thin as I am a bit sick of vegie tastes and really dont want to taste any one vegie in particular.

Just as vegies start to soften add about 1 tablespoon of soy and about 2 tablespoons water and fry it off
Take a big iceberg lettuce leaf

Put about 2-3 tablespoons of mix in and roll it up dont over fill as it falls apart and the taste ratios start to mess up.

This makes about 1 cooked cup of mix and with 2 lettuce leaves you're right on it babe!

Splash out: use a tiny bit of oyster sauce - you're upping your salt but increasing flavour by magnitudes. If you use it after cooking in the wrap you dont need as much maybe a tablespoon all up.

Now try that and tell me you feel deprived!

Creamy Cauliflower Soup Recipe

The creamy soup you're eating when you're not eating creamy soup its Shaggs' Cauliflower soup and its delicious!

It has no fat or sugar and minimal salt (optional). It is allowed on the Optifast presurgery diet, the mushy food diet post surgery (possibly even liquids depending on how thin you make it) and is 0 points on weight watchers


Approx 500grams cauliflower roughly chopped 4 Shallots roughly chopped
1 tsp chicken stock or any stock (yes I know its got salt but get over it think about how much salt is in KFC)
Enough water in your pot to cover the lot
Boil until its quite soft
At the last minute if you like add a tablespoon of curry powder (YUM)
Drain most of the water off but keep it in a pot on the side
Leave about a cup of water in the pot with the cauli's etc
Blend the lot it should be mushy beaware that if its hot it may splatter on you

Keep adding the reserved water until you have the right consistency that you like. You really want it smooth and creamy to trick your brain that you are eating a creamy soup.

Even if you splashed out and put a tablespoon of low fat sour cream or yoghurt on the top it wouldnt "break the bank" so enjoy!

The Last Supper - Bye Bye Shaggs, its been nice knowing you!

Today I had my last supper and early birthday celebration. There was some debating about where we would go and everyone wanted to go to GPK a family pizza place (very nice) but I wanted my favourite Danny's Seafood Restaurant and you know what, I put my foot down and for once insisted we do what I wanted to do purely and simply because it was what I wanted and it was my day. Nice feeling too it was!

And it was yum! But you know what, glad I did it but I'm not sure I'm going to miss it!? NOTHING tastes as good as being skinny feels. I feel like my brain is in the zone and now my body has to catch up and I'm actually looking forward to Opti tomorrow. I'm all stocked up and ready to go, have a rough idea of what i'll be having and how and I'm dead excited! Oh to have a purpose in life!!!! The lady at the chemist knows about my plans and she made me promise I'll go in and see her and give her updates! I told her she probably wont recognise me! That positive thinking has definitely kicked in!

La Perouse (where Danny's is) was beautiful and we hung out on the rocks with the kids exploring the rock pools and we dreamt about what I would be wearing this time next year and how our lives would be different. I am looking at everything I eat and how I eat it and am conscious of how things will change but I just cant wait now. Thank God they got me in straight away. I'd be a mental case and would stress eat another 20kg on.

Things may be very different this time tomorrow when I'm feint and violent from starvation but until then bye bye old shaggs, its been nice knowing you!