So my lovlies the time has come to incorporate some of my real life with my blog world. No one I know in my real life actually reads this blog so I'm safe here. I've never wanted to blog about my "professional" life because it can impact your clients, performance etc etc but I think after two years its safe to say I can say whatever I want.
So, on the back of my last post here goes.
The reason I was so despondent goes as follows:
About 6 weeks or so ago on a Friday night I had a dream a really vivid dream that I know comes from another place and is a very important message.
Back to the dream in a minute - you see for the past like 3 years I have discovered a very special ability (although it is present in everyone) to be able to know things others dont seem to be aware of and communicate with people and spirit guides on the "other side" and I use these abilities to give readings and help people in their everyday life. I have always known that my true calling in this is to do public demonstrations to large groups (it is the way I work best) and that some level of fame and notoriety is to come of this. It propels my every day and all of what I do and always with the basic motivation being to help people and bring the notion that psychic ability is a human ability and not a "special gift" bestowed upon a few. We can and MUST all do this in order to help our every day existence and our human race and souls.
So, the dream. I had a dream that one of my teachers from Sydney took me by the hand and led me into a stadium that was full of people waiting for a show to begin. I was told there was 20 - 50,000 people waiting. He took me in a side door and I knew these people were waiting for a psychic show to begin and when I asked how do you do readings for this many people I got a short sharp "the same way you do it for one person". This teacher, we'll call him Angelo, was on an Australian TV show called The One the search for Australias greatest psychic and came into the final three and did quite well although he was a bit scarred by it and now doesnt mention it. The dream was gobsmackingly real. He had the prescence of an angel it was such a magnificent dream and since studying it up the arena I was in was the exact image of Madison Square Garden - a big deal right?
Anyway, I have no intention of trying to be Australias greatest psychic or be right all the time all I care about is that the individual that sits in front of me walks away feeling better having spent an hour of their time connected to the other side through me as their conduit. I also like it if they walk away with some little idea or technique about how to connect themselves to the other side to help them out and not have to heavily rely on someone like me. It is so not about me but about them and their loved ones. Its kind of like I'm the telephone and for me to make it about me is kinda wrong and strange - does a telephone get self conscious and suffer performance anxiety or overinflated ego issues??
So, the dream stuck with me all day that Saturday. I have been planning for ages to do some public large group shows but I'm pretty much on my own here in Melbourne and its daunting. I did some gigs in Sydney but as just a small part of someone elses show not my own. So I woke that morning going OMG this is what I HAVE to do!!!!!! No fear!! Just do it!!!
So Saturday goes on and we're starting up a business that will allow my husband to work from home and look after the kids (how coincidental or not???) and at about 1am on Sunday morning I see a note on Facebook that I would have missed had I not been on at the ridiculous hour and it was the winner of that particular TV show giving out the email address to apply to the show.
So in a nutshell I applied and then promptly forgot about it.
Fast forward two weeks and I got a call.....
It was the show who liked what I'd written and I had to undergo psychic quizzes and photos and application forms etc etc and they said they'd skype me on the Monday and I was freaking!!! The stars had aligned, the dates were perfect (my dead grandmas birthday, the anniversary of my grandpas death etc etc. I sent off my application form and sat at home and waited for my call and.............
I was crushed like a bug worse than how I've been this week sooooooooooo bad. It meant I bombed on the application and what I thought was real information from the other side in my quizzes was all shite and the other side had let me down and just WHHHAHAHAHAHHTTTTTT!!!!
But I did get over it and I did survive and fast forward two weeks and I approached our school prinicipal to hire their hall so I could do a big live group show and what happens..... my phone rings and
and they loved my application and they want me to come in for a screen and test and some live psychic quiz stuff
I nearly died on the spot dead set!!!!!!!!
I had no time to buy a new outfit but I got a strong message that my first reading the following day was going to cancel and SHE DID!! so I went shopping. I was told which section of the shopping centre to go to and when I go there I had no idea which shop to go to until a maintenance car stopped out the front of a shop and sounded an alarm and I knew "thats the shop"!! and of course I found the perfect outfit in under an hour (the one I am picture in in the last post). I had my hair and make up professionally done ( I just had to give it my best shot - it was like the wedding day I never had it was ALL ABOUT ME!!) and off I went. I wasnt nervous I felt the ENTIRE universe with me. NOTHING had ever felt so right in my life. I felt like an angel channelling the very nectar of the universe. Everything I said was gold everyone I met was beautiful I felt like a freaking princess it was a surreal and out of body unbelievably fantastic experience. My readings were spot on everything was fabulous and they all loved me and we all bonded and had a top day and I would love to end this post on this cliff hanger but I just cant (as much for me as for you).
And then I waited
For two weeks
and in my head I kinda knew I didnt get it
but I couldnt ignore all the signs
there were more than I mentioned here
EVERYONE I spoke to "Felt" I had it
I didnt tell many people
I got an email last Friday night saying I didnt make it any further but thank you.
A part of me died right there and then
Unfortunately I had a friend over an I didnt want to kill the Friday mood and talk about it so by the time she left I almost self combusted and melted into a waterfall of tears of disappointment. Honestly, I dont really care if I'm not on a TV show. I felt most disappointed for my husband and family cause this was our way out of this ordinary and quite often very challenging and struggling existence. BIG changes were going to happen in a very short amount of time and we were ready.
I'm exhuasted to go back here I hope you all understand when I end it here until later???
Even as I read back over this I have just rushed ahead to get the basic details down and this post does it all no justice. This was MONUMENTAL in my life. Amazing things do not happen to me!! They just dont. I've always thought that things didnt go so well for me so that I would always strive to find that very thing that I really needed to do as an individual and to an extent I was right. I have found what I needed to do but I swear this was all sooooo fabulous I thought this was what was next. I honestly cant believe it is all over. I have come to a level of acceptance in my everyday life but when I rehash it like this I relive it and I just still cannot believe it was not right.
When I think about it the whole show is based around the amazingness of the abilites and all I droned on about was how its not so amazing but accessible to everyone. That I am an ordinary Joe and if I can do it anyone can. Now I see it was a BIG mistake but I couldnt see it any other way so.... so be it!
At the back of all of this I had the complete and full understanding that if it wasnt meant to be it wouldnt. If it wasnt the best for me and my work then the powers that be wouldnt allow it to happen so in some ways I feel I've dodged a bullet.
But man I'm crushed like a bug and its hard to bounce back.
I have in some ways and I'm back to plodding along theres been some interesting insights into the whole process and what I've just been through and what I've learnt but for now I'm back to doing this the hard way and going back to the prinicpal to the hire the hall.
I'll keep you all posted
Love you all!!