Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Confession Time

So its time to fess up. I've been very naughty with my food for the past day or so, experimenting with quantities and different textures etc. I started mushies early on day 9 or 10 instead of 14 so now I'm getting cocky. I went to see the dietician and dr yesterday and everyone was stoked with my progress and overlooked the fact that I started mushies early so of course I think this is great and I do a little celebrating with the food! Do I have to go into detail? I dont really want to, the shame and embarassment are just a little too intense at the moment, maybe next week if I can pick myself up and brush myself off sucessfully I'll be able to go there. The quantity was still awesome compared to my previous life but as a fresh new bander, having spent the best part of over $5000 on this thing, all the pain, trauma and worry for my nearest and dearest, what my body has been through and while still healing, I think its ok to go and shove some shit down. When will I learn? The quantity I can eat is definitely on its way up but I still feel very satisified for a long time but I can feel the need to seek out food increasing. The relief from that has been awesome and now its creeping back, I dont want it back. I dont want to look for food as a method of satisfying or entertaining myself. I have to face the fact that for the time being until I am properly filled, I will have to exercise self control and always keep in my mind that the band is just an aid. There is still work to be done.

I would also like to confess that I have been guilty of judging people when they wondered why their band wasnt working - now as karma would have it, I am guilty of the exact same thing I found hard to tolerate in others, isnt that always the way?! A lesson learned! I am and should be, on a diet or food restriction program (however you want to look at it) and the band is just there to help a little at the moment. I am hopeful that one day it wont be hard at all, but for now its a little hard sometimes and nowhere near as bad as before the band.

So thats it, I'm a "recovering" and "lapsing" food addict and occasional judgemental person, these are my sins, I am hoping that admission is the first step to recovery and forgiveness from everyone out there because I really dont like these aspects of myself and I dont believe they are the "true" me.


  1. don't beat yourself up too much darl, just pull your socks up and keep going! I myself was suprised as to how much I could eat once the swelling went down. Until I started to get fills (and I've only had 2) I had almost no restriction, so keep that in mind as well. I only just started feeling a little restriciton after my second fill and can't wait till my third:-)

  2. are forgiven!! I thought the same too. It took me three months to get to where I feel "full". That is three fills. My surgeon believes that the quicker you get to your sweet spot the better and why wait!!? I like his thinking. He reckons by the end of the week after a fill you should be able to tell if it is enough. I just had trouble getting down to Hobart and had to wait a bit too long between fills. They say the first three months are the hardest...and trust will have to work really hard to beat the amount of shit I put down my throat in that time!!

  3. Awww, dont stress on it.. You are entitled to a little splurge when you have gone for so long without sustanance. As soon as I was on the mushy stage, all I seemed to think about was food.. It has subsided a little, and I am eating quite a bit more than I expected, but I am counting down to my first fill on Monday, and I'm sure it will all fall in to place after that.. I is going to take time for your brain and lifestyle to reprogramm itself. YOU ARE ONLY NORMAL!!! :)


Weight Loss From 27th January 2009