A (kinda) Nice Place to Be

So heres something I've been thinking about and I'm a little worried I may have mentioned it already but here it is anyway (and thanks to Nene for the inspiration). After my PB experience I have been on my best behaviour. Its a nice reminder that this is serious medical shit and not to be f$%^ with. So apparently after a PB (which can cause a band slip just like a full vomit! Yikes!) your little pouch gets swollen and thats why you are so restricted after and you should actually do liquids and then mushies for a few days after. Learn something new everyday dont you - thank you to Mindy from Skinny in Texas for that little nugget. And also, for some people having a drink to get "unstuck" actually makes matters worse (I think it actually helps for me but I've always been a freak). Also, if I hear one more person complain about eating sushi I'm going to write a book about it. I have always gotten really bloated from rice so I havent touched it since the op and I certainly never will now!

So my food intake has been very under control and I think its actually starting to look a little too much like self control. I would really like my band to be restrictive enough to make me full while I'm eating or very soon after. Unfortunately, I feel like I could eat the whole table and the only thing that stops me is the fear of pain and PB's and slips etc. I currently have to stop mid meal and go "OK now lets stop there before we go too far" and quite frankly, I'm sorry, but if that level of self control came naturally to me, I wouldnt need a band!!!! Yes pain and medical intervention is a rather strong deterrant but hello - there's only so far I can go with will power - I think being 30kg over weight and morbidly obese kinda proves that....???? So, no wonder that on Friday night I had a few wines and the self control went out the window with the cork and I ate a piece of bread, noice. Went down surprisingly well (lubricated with a glass of wine). And I hate to say, I had another one just in case I was wrong about how well the first one went down. All's good now but I really wanted to be reverrent with my band after the PB fiasco and the bloody wine and the lack of restriction. Boo friggety hoo!

I also do so mourn a good gorge. I dont do sweets and chocolate etc (a little here and there) they aren't my binge mediums of choice. So there's no "getting around the band" for a carb addict especially when its your guts that actually hurt regardless of what you eat and not the band. To really binge I need crunchy carbs and creamy dips etc etc (wont go into it I'll start to crave and cry).

I would love to feel real hunger again and just stuff myself silly. I kina always feel satisified (physically not necessarily emotionally) I would also like the band to "work" so I dont even think about food like first thing post op. Right now I just have to stop eating cause I know down the track (about half hour) it will hurt. I would like the warning a little sooner, like say, about half an hour sooner and about five mouthfuls.

OK I agree, I think now I'm just starting to sound like a whingeing bitch. I've got something stopping me from going too far (ie: pain) so stop complaining. And who would of thought - a lapband can stop you from bingeing - shock horror! On a high note, I am feeling very calm and relaxed. I think when you cant feed your face after a stressful situation you just kinda sit with it and let it wash over you, what else can you do? Never really been a screamer (husband may disagree but what does he know). Went for a lovely walk this morning in the rain on my own no other walkers out - still dark - it was lovely - I'll do that again. So life kinda resembles something quite nice at the moment, not perfect but pretty well manageable and under control. Nice place to be really.