So, here's the next instalment of the Shaggs in full colour series. I think I look better than this but I always have had a touch of the reverse anorexias ie; thinking you look better than you do other symptoms include bingeing and not purging, standing infront of a mirror thinking how skinny you look, growing no hair in fat patches and wearing undersized clothes. While sufferers usually present as middle aged white men it can afflict anyone at any stage of life. Recovery is a long slow process of the patient carefully studying pictures of themselves (next to "normal" looking people offers the best results), taking weight and measurement analysis, attending bariatric surgery seminars and a BMI study. Great progress is also made using a family recording device such as a video camera whereby the patient can observe themselves in their natural surroundings in full, 3 dimensional colour and sound.
So yesterday we left me bored and it just got worse from there. I picked and nibbled all afternoon and then we had a BBQ with the sister in law by which time I had picked my way through several meals and when meal time actually came I ate my holier than though little plate full, I stopped before it hurt but by then it was too late and boy did it hurt! I could actually feel the port hurting as the tubing that goes to the port was pulling over my massively distended (enlarged) stomach and pulling on the port. Man that hurt! Psychologically I still could have eaten more. I do not feel any pain around my band and my stomach does not feel full but the pain, as we have discussed, is more than enough to keep me on the straight and narrow.
So, I go to take the bins out (everything's a woman's job in this house there are no "gender barriers" around here why stifle a perfectly independant woman?) and I didnt even bend over or anything - I did a burp and there it was, food where food wasnt meant to be (again)! Pretty. It didnt come out (but then I am known to never waste good food) but I knew what it was! Funny thing is, I didnt feel full but I must have been. So I had a cup of boiling hot water to "wash" the food down and that helped immediately. No more pain. For good or bad, I now know how to get rid of that god awful feeling. Still, I'm hoping a fill will leave me full.
So you must be thinking, "She's PB'ed and its all over" right? Nuh uh. This morning I woke up with a gassy tight chest and I could feel my band was tight. Why should that stop a meal I ask you? Of course I had breakfast - the standard little meal of 1 egg and some ham and cheese all grilled up and a coffee. Went down like a brick with no grout but who am I to complain. Felt VERY full then but bang on 4 hours and I'm ravenous again. So I had a salad and some prawns and man did that shit get stuck!!!!! Woah horsey! It was stuck good and hard. I kept swilling that water until finally it unstuck and now I just want to graze all day so as to avoid any other nasty side effects. Lunch was unsatisfying and a bit of a write off so I have spent alot of the afternoon trying to compensate with low fat chips, chocolate and anything snackable. Dumb cow that I am.
I was kind of happy in a sick way though. I have been singing in my head all day "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you" me and my little band. Kinda feels like its not there sometimes and today and last night has been a nice reminder. Like when you're preggers and you have morning sickness and then nothing. From week 11 on its nothing. Dont look pregnant, dont feel pregnant, maybe not pregnant? Then week 16 - 18 and its all back on again. I realise that what has gone on in the past 24 hours is sooooo not good and could lead to the band slipping etc but I'm just so happy that I'm normal and my band has some parameters - that I cant just binge and get away with it. Have I mentioned that I love my band?