Monday, March 30, 2009

My Friend, My Enemy, My Restriction

That elusive experience called restriction has entered my life and I am loving it! I woke up on Friday morning just knowing that something was different. I was rushing about and didnt have breakfast - now that is just a travesty of the worst kind in my life and I eat for a week to make up for the lost meal - but I forgot all about it. Had lunch at 2pm and then no dinner - thats TWO weeks catching up and a nervous breakdown - I will be anorexic in a week at this rate!! Had a few little cracker nibblies on Friday night and that was it - ALL DAY! How pure and gaunt do I feel? Actually, strange thing is, I dont feel empty, or weak or starving or "holier than though". I feel just normal. I like this normality.

So Saturday was a similar day - but with too much alcohol - nice combination - hardly any food and too much alcohol - FUN! Cue roaring dry horrors on Sunday and whats the best thing for the morning after - Mc Donalds. I attempted a sausage mc muffin and I knew after about 1/2 a bite where it was headed but I soldiered on. Only had not even half but, stupid stupid stupid girl, I had a swig of juice (very bad dry horrors) and man that muffin was stuck like a 14 year old in Supre. It hurt, it ached I sweat, I thumped my chest, I put my arms up in the air (thanks Nene) I had to walk around like when I was in labour I could feel a chuck coming on I bent over and that puppy dislodged and I was all over. The adrenaline rush of relief when that pain went was almost worth it in a sick "mummy cant get a buzz anymore" kinda way. But that was it for me. I had that tight achey pain in my chest all day and it scared me into submission.

I found over the weekend that I am envious of people swigging away on drinks while they eat. I have a new found obsession - drinking while you eat. I no longer crave massive big chewy, crunchy mouthfuls of bread and carbs - now I crave a fizzy cold rush of diet coke to wash a half chewed mouthful down. Oh to drink while I eat! I find myself choosing liquids over solids and not eating so I can drink. Half of me thinks thats just shit but I've always been a very thirsty person and have always drunk alot. I always stole my mothers drinks when I finished my own as a kid. Back in the 70's when you could smoke in McDonalds I had a swig of my mothers drink and yes, I drank ash and ciggie butts. McDonalds cups make great ashtrays. Yum! It seems now that if I eat and wait for half an hour after to drink there just isnt enough time in the day for me to drink enough. I have to ration the eating to allow the drinking. Where will this end?

All the while throughout my little, very minor but very memorable episode, I was thinking of all my bandster gals out there. Poor Nola who had this out in public with a Llama sniffing around, Nene out in a restaurant, the confusion of not knowing which "quiet corner" out in public is going to be the best place to let your innards out. I couldnt imagine the horror! I was at home and only had to hide the extremness of the situation from my husband who is A. Prone to lecturing and B. A bit of a worry wart. I just acted like I was going to the kitchen and had my seizure around the corner near the loungeroom (wooden floors, wipe clean society, dont care where the spew ends up). I didnt know whether to laugh or cry thinking about all you trippers out there who have paved the way before me - the words I would use in my blog to describe my episode - what I would say to my surgeon when my band slipped and I aspirated a McDonalds hash brown. Oh the things that go through your mind in a crisis! Its like a car crash, feels like an hour and everything's in slow motion. Its actually 30 seconds and your writhing around like an excavated worm on a hot day.

I do feel like part of the club now. Trust me to find the belonging in all the foulness. My PB experience was so lame but this was the real mc coy. I got stuck!!! And it hurt!! Why should I be happy about that? I guess it does keep you honest.

So I'm loving the restriction but it is a double edged sword. I cant be a slack arse anymore. I have to be careful with the rules - I now know the consequences. I am worried this will wear off that sometime the insatiable hunger will come back and then where will I be? I want to kiss the surgeon (no tongues) I so viciously bagged out last week for granting me the grace of restriction. I have seen the light and I am transformed. Until the next cherry ripe.


  1. Oh I feel for you.. Next time you go to Maccas with a morning hang over, go for the bacon and egg breaky snack wrap.. I already have that sussed.. They dont toast their muffins enough to keep you safe.. Call me slack, but I know my takeaway do's and dont's now.. LOL
    I too am usually a drinker (not always alcohol) and although I am adjusting to not drinking with my meal, I always make the stupid mistake just when I am about ready formy drnk to have another bloody mouthfull. The the wait continues.. but not always.. will just sip slowly..
    Got another tip for you though, next time something gets stuck or feels like it might be getting too comfy in the bands tunnel, take a deep breath, then hold your breath, even block ur nose if you have to.. And hold it for as long as you can. Then when you let you breath out, you will feel a little gurgle, and the food should go down a bit, if not all.. Give it a go. :) You are lucky though to have such excellent restriction so soon.. As I had another ml put in this morning, and I do feel restriction, but in saying that I still ate whe I came home.. only 5 water crackers with avodado, cheese and mixed herbs on top. That filled me up.

  2. Thank you for the takeaway info girl, you are seriously a wealth of knowledge and support! I will try the breath holding next time if I can remain calm enough to muster up some common sense! LOL And oh the waiting....... yes if I snack I sip very naughty and I know my days are numbered but I do mean a nibble here and there. If I waited for every little nibble to go down I'd dehydrate! I know the restriction will come and go and I'm ready for that but right now - I'm lovin it!

  3. are a wealth of information!! I am going to try holding my breath too!! Thanks:)
    "like an excavated worm on a hot day"...wahahahahhaaaaaa I am SO going to use that one!!
    You come out with the funniest things....I LOVE YOU !!! :)

  4. Farking KNOW who I AM!!!!!!!!!!!! Your blog wont let me use my wordpress ID, or google or any farking thing except ANONYMOUS!!! Makes me want to slam dunk an iced vovo!!!

  5. I have trouble posting on your blog too... it's farking annoying.

    LET ME TELL YOU HOW GLAD I AM... that you said that you forgot to eat and it felt normal- bloody hell... I am FREAKING OUT about not eating... when people go on about "Oh I forgot to eat..." I think... ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY??!?! my life totally revolves around my next meal!!!!

    See, but when YOU say it... it's all good... because... all of your other food-obsession posts are ME... totally ME... so if forgetting to eat works for you.. then my chances ar higher :)

    L xx

  6. Oh, you have not lived until you PB and it comes out your nose! Yep, last night...after a bit of chicken...I PBed a few times. Then, I had a fudgescicle. A few minutes later--up it came...only to be followed by blowing chocolate and pieces of chicken out of my nose! Oh my!!!!!! Now that's an episode I do not want to repeat!
    No wonder I love you Lapband....! Blowing calories out my nose!

  7. I've had three fills, and though stuff gets stuck, I'm sick, I'm uncomfortable, etc, I'm still waiting to just feel "quietly full". On the positive side, the effective thing about the discomfort is that it slows you down. You're forced to take much longer to eat your food, which gives your brain time to catch up with your stomach. PS: just eating my lunch, tried holding my breath, but it makes me cough!!

  8. You guys all crack me up! I dont think I've ever heard funnier stories than all of yours. Who would have thought that blowing chucks out your nose could be so funny? We're all food obsessed soul sisters and the world is a much less lonlier place with all of you in it! Thank you girls! BTW I have problems posting messages on my OWN blog!


Weight Loss From 27th January 2009