So today is week 7 and I have cracked the elusive 10kg mark!! (22 pounds for the metrically challenged). I have booked a massage (my first 10kg reward) and cant wait! I still feel too fat to be rubbed and rewarded but I promised myself and I must keep that promise. For some reason posting a positive blog is not nearly as fun or entertaining as telling you all the bad things I do but here goes.
As we all know I am obsessed with scales and I very badly weigh myself almost every day except those days I forget and I eat or drink first and then god forbid I should weigh myself with food on (or in) my person! I then obsess all day about how much I may have weighed but its not all bad, I manage to think about food and crap reality TV in the middle of the obsessing so I do make it work. And I do happen to know that on Saturday I weighed 92.2kg but today its 92.6kg either way, its 10kg and just let it go. Let it go Shaggs, let it go. Let it go. No really its ok just thought I'd throw that in. Kinda not really obsessed with the numbers so much anymore. I think I am learning to trust my band and the situation and the reality that I am not eating anywhere near as much as I used to. I love weighing myself but more out of curiosity and the spectacle of it all. I stand on those scales and reel at the fact that I havent suffered (breakfast Sunday aside) and yet they keep on moving down. I know its just a matter of time now. I can believe I'm not going to sabotage this one. No matter how I feel the band is here to stay and this "diet" is going to just be a phase or a fad.
So how come I feel like Claudia Schiffer now when the last time I weighed 92kg it was a devastating travesty and I felt more like Dawn French? Why do we feel so slim and slender on the way down but so huge and swollen on the way up? Is it psychological or is it actually physiological are we actually swollen and puffy when gaining (do we retain water more or something) and are we actually smaller on the down swing? Who knows all I know is I'm feeling pretty good but it feels kinda normal now so I dont feel that much more fabulous. When I look at the pics I can see the difference and I do know the difference in now and 10kg more, so much more comfortable and able bodied.
You know what I love. Seeing people who do happen to know about this and they ask "so how's it going?" and I proudly announce that I have lost 10kg now and they reply "oh, have you?". Yep, 10kg and no one notices and they look at you as if you're completely pulling shit out of your arse. Should I print a Tshirt with an old photo on it? I guess its only 10kg its not 125 pounds like Mindy (skinny in Texas)!! Now thats some pictures to carry around with you! What a star! Part of me really couldnt give a toss about others comments but part of me cant wait to turn around one day and it all suddenly be noticeable and watch their stupid faces fall.
And how shitty do you get now at people eating? Like - "Do you REALLY have to eat AGAIN????" or "Do you really have to eat MORE????" Are you joking! Can you stuff more in your face? Isnt that shit of me? I'm a bitch. Me of all people knows how that one works and yet here I am miss holier than though judging people for how they eat. And how much food do you have left over in the fridge or the takeaway box now? Take at least 3 adult size portions out of every meal when I used to eat. Now I eat less than the kids.
So I think the brain is starting to catch up with things here. I'm trusting the band and I'm thinking about overeaters like a size 8 bitch scrag. Can you believe the maxed out gorger from last week is sitting here now getting snippy with people for wanting to eat? Noice. Blogging makes you so accountable. I guess you always hate in other the people the very thing you dont like in yourself.