So could this be the calm after the storm or the calm before the next storm, either way as we all know in the life of this food junkie, its a roller coaster comparable only with that of a diagnosed bi-polar schizophrenic (I wouldnt rule out being tested for either condition). But as it happens all that who ha last week (and every other week) always seems to lead me into a zen like coma of virtue and strict self imposed restriction resulting in.......
89.4 kilos!!!! Shaggs has broken the 90kg mental and physical block and is now in the 80's. Which also means - to the metrically challenged - I am in Onederland! 197 pounds!! Yeehah! Thats over 30 pounds lost! Bring on the mania of the manic depression kind.
Now really, I'm coming to terms with many situations in my life (for now anyway all this could change next week and I know you wont hold it against me) and instead of fighting it and just doing whatever the hell I please instead of that which might actually help me - I have just thought more about the issues instead of the crappy ways I try to avoid them (eg: eating). Instead of just aimlessly munching my way around the house I have thought twice (and thrice and up to ten times) and asked myself will this really fix anything before I do it. I have kept the 80's goal in mind and worked solely towards it. Every time I said no to food I thought about how it was going to feel on Friday morning when I weighed in under 90kgs.
And now I really understand what the band is for. In my weight watchery days this was torture, hard and fast and very hard to resist the temptations. Now with my trusty band its only a little mental torture and not deep yearning physical torture. I dont physically need to eat so at least 90% of the problem is eliminated (i do feel sorry for the old me fighting the fight alone). I have noticed that my trigger times are just before dinner and late at night so if I can just get through those two times of the day I'm all good. If I lovingly prepare a meal for myself (as i do for everyone else in my life) I am good until the next meal (low and behold!) and I dont get stuck and puke on nibbled crap. And if I stay away from alcohol (not so easy ) my prohibitions stay firmly in place and I dont end up in an alcoholic food coma.
So through adversity we find strength, every cloud has a silver lining, the only way is up and I just pray that this mature and sensible and self loving Shaggs hangs around for a little longer.
P.S. I've made some really lovely friends.
P.S.S I'm back at work again and spiritually "on fire"! (surprise surprise!)