Friday, September 17, 2010

Bittersweet Victory

So, my gallbladder is gone and so too it seems are the few kilos I carry around and lose and gain repeatedly from one day to the next. I'm still swollen and sore from the surgery but the scales read 78.6 and my hands and feet and general extremities are showing sinew I never knew I had. Happy Days!

Or are they??

As is want to happen in this shithole they call life you receive one wish fulfilled only to find another, usually harder to attain, wish surface on the scar the last one left behind. You see not having a gallbladder is kinda not just all weightloss and sinew it pretty much means if I eat fat or anything over a certain kilojoule amount per day I STILL have pain despite not having the organ that causes the said pain. How, you might ask?? Well, the gallbladder catches alot of the bile the liver pumps out when you eat something fatty or have a high kilojoule day (any kind of excess really) and when the liver does this massive overload now and the gallbladder aint there to regulate things it hurts your body especially the little healing ducts that have been chopped up. The flush of bile also causes diarrhea and the diarreah causes constipation the constipation causes pelvic congestion the congestion pushes on the now multitude of scars on my stomach and abdominal lining and I am one uncomfortable little camper. I may have only eaten maybe 200grams of food today but I am bloated and sore like I have eaten a full roast dinner dessert and all. All of this is OK if I eat tiny (cant eat too much of anything at all cause of all the scars pushing and hurting) little low joule amounts - as I should have learnt already with the band but this is the band on steroids this is no messing around this is like putting in two bands one to control quantity and one to control quality. And let me tell you this is shit!!!!!!!!!!

IN THE EXTREME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I can hear you all "its early days yet" (gallbladder only came out a week ago today) "its good for you" "its a blessing in disguise" etc etc etc but I am still going through the many stages of grief at the moment its 1.30 in the morning here and I'm uncomfortable just sitting at the desk. I am grieving and pining and spewing (aussie slang for really got the shits) and i just want my life back!!!!!! Where is the next health issue going to pop up?? I was so blind sided by this one. If I ignore the pain will the bad eating go to my heart next?? Is that where I'm headed??? I'm tired of operating this thing they call a body in this place they call earth its just too freakin hard sometimes. So why get your gallbladder out if the problem persists?? Its almost purely so the problem doesnt accelerate to the next level which is liver or pancreatic life threatening situations.

This is just shit.

I feel so sorry for myself. I am seriously a spoilt child chucking a tantrum right now. I have been going so good this week just focusing on getting over the operation and I was back at it and on full duties within 4 days. Its school holidays here next week and I was planning a driving trip back to Sydney to see everyone I love (nice thing to do when you feel like crap) but I have to do the driving alone and I just cant imagine sitting in that seat for that long (Its a 12 hour drive) and even with breaks etc etc I know I'm not up for it. My selfish prick of a husband was going to fly to sydney next weekend and drive us home but he doesnt want to so now I have to contact everyone tomorrow and tell them its all off and I just dont know how to say it - we've all been so excited about the trip it was all that was getting me through this week and now I know I cant do it and its 2am and I cant ring anyone or talk to anyone so sorry guys - you've copped it! I am now lost for words I want to keep typing so I feel like I'm with someone like someone is listening like someone is close by but theres just nothing left to say. Love youse all.

1 comment:

  1. OK, we're here, you're not alone. I'm listening, and what I hear is mental pain and disappointment that your husband is not supporting you as you would like, has backed out on a plan that meant a lot to you and which will cause you some embarrassment with your friends and family. And to cap it all, your body, whose problems you thought you had SORTED, has let you down as well.

    So - there's no magic wand, the problems will eventually disperse one at a time - as you say. My father lived 45 years after the removal of his gall bladder, showing his huge scar to anyone who threatened to show any interest in it, to the unspeakable embarrassment of his two daughters. After the first couple of weeks when he did as he was told, he ate and drank what the hell he wanted, including more whisky than was good for him.

    You on the other hand can't hope to make money as a circus freak, because it was laparoscopic, so your bodily beauty is relatively unimpaired... just a few more 'dashes' on your tum to join the lapband scars.

    There's one similarity with your previous op though: your body is trying to tell you what it wants - or doesn't want. I imagine sometimes your children scream and drive you insane – but they’re trying to tell you something, and sooner or later you start to listen, because you have to. So indulge your body too, be nice to it… and distract yourself with something which doesn’t relate to food. You were writing to forget – well keep on writing, because you’re bloody good. Why not start another blog – be creative?

    Once your body is sorted, you’ll feel strong enough to tackle the more difficult issue of keeping your relationship fresh and true. Or kick him in the ass till he screams for mercy…

    And in the meantime let me have some anecdotes of the brief type that can be included in my Eavesdroppings blog – unconscious humour by your kids perhaps…

    This is long and rambling dear Shaggs, but is offered with the best of intentions – I’ve never met you, but you have the gift of communicating your negative feelings to an extent that I feel them too. In fact I’ve got a stomach ache, now I come to think about it…

    Hug from Caroline


Weight Loss From 27th January 2009