So its gone from bad to worse here in this house but I think I'm coming out of it. It looks like its going to be just me and my old worn out sense of will power cause the band aint doing much! Quantities are creeping back up, the types of food are many and varied (the good the bad and the ugly), the grazing has reared its ugly head etc etc. Sometimes some food gets a little uncomfortable in my chest but I just have a drink and its gone.
Do you hear me, I just have a drink and its gone - and that is......?
Yes, thats called "eating around the band"!!!?!??!!?#?@$?@?$
Can you f$%^& believe I am eating around the band!!!!!!!! I hate the person that I become sometimes. Should I feel self pity or sheer disgust and hatred? What the f%^k am I doing!!!!! And for the joy of "drinking down" some extra food I get god awful pain behind my scars because my intestines are so full. Does it stop me? Well yes actually it does. Like I said much earlier in this blog pain is a great motivator for me. I get so uncomfortable that I have to remove most of my clothes because even the slightest bit of outside pressure exacerbates the problem. This took about a day to work out but now I think I have it under control. I still drink while I eat but now I just have to exercise will power and my fear of pain to stop eating too much although I'm phasing out the drinking. Its like I've got it in my head that the band isnt going to work until its filled so until then I'll just work around it! I'm not even giving it the slightest chance! What a complete f$% up!
OK so this is as bad as it gets, I'm certainly not eating the same quantities as before. I pretty much stay clear of carbs the scales are still being kind but I am well aware that it is still a pretty bad situation and where this will end up. I am taking into account the weeks of deprivation that have lead me to this point but you'd think I'd be grateful for ANY food and not need ALL food??
It has been hard being in my head this week but now its time to take back the reigns admittedly it has been a hard week of the menstrual month (ovulation - makes me very swollen and uncomfortable and cranky with pain) but then actually every week is bad for that at the moment next week is PMT the week after is actually periods and the week after that is pretty much the only normal week of the month. might need to check this out further - tired of being a slave to the ovaries.
So I should be glad that I'm aware of the problems, thats the first step to recovery I guess. The worst day was Wednesday and I've definitely improved since then but man I have to stay ON IT! Maybe I should wear my new jeans all day to remind me? I cant bend over but then bending over is overrated isnt it? I do feel full now after a small high protein brekkie, thats good I guess? Stay with that one. Back to the rules now my main goals are:
- stick to the no drink rules
- take 20 minutes to eat before going for more food
- no grazing or snacking of any kind
- no food that is going to get even mildly stuck so as to not encourage drinking.
I feel strong today - I know I can do this especially after opti and fluids etc. This is a walk in the park! So JUST DO IT!
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Weight Loss From 27th January 2009
Awww, dont be hard on yourself.. You are still in your healing time, and take advantage of it. When I was at your stage, I thought about food all day long, and grazed my ass off. But as soon as you are on more dense foods, you will stay fuller for longer, and eventually you wont think of the food in between meals.. Or even if you do, just make a healthy choice of what you do eat.. Think of that small stoma above the band a a precious little space, and you dont want to waste that space on shit.. I read some peoples writtings on blogs and lapabandtalk.com and think to myself, how can they do everything so perfect.. But I know I'm not perfect, and I'm sure the weight will come off eventually.. I'm not going to deny myself the occasional treat here and there. I'm only human. And so are you.. Infact, its hilarious just how much we seem to be alike..
ReplyDeleteWell fark me....are you in my head??!!! So far today....a white chocolate easter egg (large), 4x party pies, 2x Bertie Beetles!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wahahahhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ReplyDeleteWe have to stop and think, think , think. We are eating around our bands for sure and we need to go dense. I am already dense....IN THE HEAD!!! New start for us my girl. Protein, protein and more protein....luv ya, luv ya work!!
I found fluids and mushies easier than now because I didn't have a farking choice and wasn't left to "free wheel"....might blog about that later tonight:) Love Farking Anon!!!!!
thank you girls - as always you keep me sane and grounded and laughing - I swear its so easy to feel like the only loser in the world, its so nice to know their is a kinship out there - we're all losers together!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the girls that you are being a little too hard on yourself. YOU'VE LOST 9 BLOODY KILOS! You go and pick up a 9kg bag of potatoes and walk around with that baby all day long!!!!
ReplyDeleteJust look at what I ate before I had my fill! Yeah that was very healthy.
I think you are doing amazingly!
Bel
Thank God I have finally come across some fellow banders who are not doing everything right. I am not an advocate for "playing around" with these first 6 weeks before my fill, but who is suprized? If I had the kind of self control it takes to eat perfectly thru every stage, gee, I might not have needed the band.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I am self pay so naturally I thought paying out all that money would ensure I stuck to the fool program, however, looking back it didn't work that way with gym memberships and Jenny Craig, not to mention about 100 other costly experiments...I did not know what eating around the band meant. I guess i am doing that. i do try to stick mostly to the mushies, I was banded on 2/25/9, but feel i am eating to much.I do pop in a few bites of well chewed meat occassionaly. day four i ate 4 (small) reeces peanut butter cups. I know, I have cut that out. My first fill is not for 5 more weeks and I have a healthy appetite. My biggest fear is band slippage because I such a looser with this post op diet. I try everyday to do better, and I guess for the most part I do well. I did not loose but 4 lbs before the surgery and only 1 lb since the surgery..I am discouraged because I was counting on the band to help me more. I do eat much less food, but find i can tolerate just about anything i have eaten, but real spicy food. I would love to know what you ate before your fill Bel. Not so I can go on with bad behavoir, but so I will know that there is hope, even after bad behavior. I will keep trying to eat right and I need to begin the excercise. I am still sore. Yea, post op was painful!Please tell me what it is like after your first fill and if I have already caused my stomach pouch to stretch. Most of the time I eat till comfortable, but there are those other times I can fill it in the upper part of my chest. I doubt I have any restrictions. Thanks for sharing!
Hopefull...