My Last Hurrah - Again.....

So tomorrow is my first fill and today is my last hurrah - again. How many last hurrah's have I had during this process? One before Opti, one before the op, one before mushies, one before solids, one on Friday, one yesterday and now today - and they're the ones I can count. So you're probably all thinking - its only the first fill you wont feel any different or any restriction BUT if I'm completely honest with myself and you (kills me to have to be - natural born denier here) I am already pretty restricted. I do quite often get around it with little sips of liquids to just "ease" things down and thats only when I am REALLY loving something. I am rarely actually hungry and even then its a mood slump not a hunger in my stomach. My capacity is still nowhere near what it was pre op but it is also not exactly perfect but I do kinda feel thats my fault (gee I wonder why?). So I'm thinking a fill now might just help me pull the reigns in a little tighter and hell, I've never had one so lets go! Always up for something new. And I am still dreaming about that initial post op restriction - now that was somethin' special! So maybe a fill is exactly what I need. I have noticed that I am starting to want a piece of bread after a meal like the olden days and I can even go for extra food (thats not with drinking) so I guess I am in a text book need of a fill. Thank God for blogging to sort out whats the truth and whats not and how we actually DO feel and not THINK we feel.

So, my last hurrah. White bread after lunch today - one piece just to wipe the plate (one of the world's greatest pleasures) I cant really think of what else I'd really like.... I've told you food is losing its power and now its losing its appeal too... I think bread and sandwiches are my biggest loss really. Oh and the odd piece of Sara Lee chocolate cake - nibbled a little piece last night to celebrate my dead grandmothers birthday but it does congeal like a brick in your band but it was worth it.

I am still convinced the band will slip or something is going horribly wrong inside me. Every little pain and twitch signals the end until I shove something down my gob and it goes down fine - no vomiting or burping or pain and then I'm back again abusing the band that is changing my life by the minute. I figured out on Friday night - my first social drink since op - that you cant keep drinking your alcohol if you're also going to partake of the nibblies. A handful chips and then you have a good guzzle of you bourbon and coke and whammo, chips stuck and you can feel every millimetre of them passing through you band infront of a wave of fizzy grog. Ooooh not pretty. Before the band bourbon and coke always gave me heartburn which is now gone and I have been very reluctant to try a drink but it all went down well BUT I did notice the next day (both yesterday and today - I didnt say I ONLY drank on Friday night) i have had alot of restriction especially in the morning. It may be the effect of bourbon and coke on my stomach or it may be all the shit I shovelled down with it, either way, I think I'll stick to sipping wine alone and not getting too swept up in the social aspects of drinking.

Its a learning curve! Cant wait for that fill though - I feel like tomorrow is the day I ACTUALLY have to start being a grown up and a big girl and get on with the whole "I am actually TRYING" philosophy. We'll see.....