The Full Frontal Lobotomy

Yes I feel like I've had a lobotomy. There's been a series of incidents that have led to an awakening this week, kind of shocking and kind of relieving. The first of which came when I took some pics for this blog and some general before pics. I was just taking some shots not to look bad deliberately or good just normal. It was like I looked at the sky and it was actually organge and purple not blue. I new I was overweight and I knew I was "bad" but this was something else! It is way beyond what I believed and my first thoughts was sorrow and empathy for my husband. He didnt sign up for this and this is seriously dysfunctional stuff. This is right "out there". This isnt going to be a great blog its 12.15am and I really want to go to bed but I just wanted to say this. I also saw my counsellor this week and she pointed out some things that I just hadnt seen and it renewed my power and strength in myself. So I weighed in Monday morning and I'll be reporting to my sister which has always worked well for us. I have been pretty "good" but today R is away for work and it kinda sets me off on emotional behaviour and without really thinking I have lost a bit of control. I am also torn between being really good now and getting ready for the big pre and post op cold turkey (got my first appt for next week) and going hell for leather and getting my last suppers in (notice I use plural). I'm loving my forum friends - they're brilliant info and support - this whole thing has woven into my everyday thoughts and life and I'm so ready for the changes to come!