Funny that I mentioned Cherry Ripes in my last post, I ate one on Friday. It was hard, it was a bit rough going down and I was full half way through but I struggled on (no one can accuse me of not being persistent) and managed to finish it off - it was tough - but someone had to do it. I also got myself mangled on Friday night (pleasant enough too) I also ate toast on Saturday morning and the list goes on I cant go into too much detail cause I'll get hungry. The point of the story is, there is no deprivation in my life in fact, yes there is. I may not be deprived of eating my favourite foods and going on a bender but I am deprived of the joy and the manner in which I go about these sinful pleasures resulting in them not being so sinfully pleasurable. I cant eat as fast, i cant stuff as much in, I cant fill up those emotional holes and insubstantial areas of my life with the spakfilla they call food. I have to proceed with caution, nibble, chew like a donkey and swallow tiny meaningless amounts and instead of pleasantly full (and fulfilled) I feel vaguely sick and usually extremely uncomfortable and in shit pain.
So there I was pre op thinking that I was saying goodbye to my old life and bad habits and having my last hurrahs when in actuality the party is not over. Kind of. Its kind of reassuring that yes I can enjoy "little" bits of what I like (although I'm yet to enjoy a "little" bit of a gorge) but is a little bit better than cold turkey? Who knows and now we'll never know. I do often wonder if I'd known what I know now then (?) would my dieting exploits have been more successful? Doubt it. I was a pretty messed up individual and I sometimes still visit crazy land when I graze on shit all afternoon and then eat a meal and then cry cause it hurts. There's nothing like the sound of my own cries of pain to remind me of a Saturday night of the past.
I still expect to wake up and be 102kg (I even saw over 103 at one point but it wasnt recorded). I have to sit and work out exactly how much I've lost and convince myself it is a significant amount. That I'm not as huge as I used to be and a bit of Saturday afternoon grazing will not undo it. That I'm not in denial and it is actually over 9kg - all the time - and not really 4.5kg but only after 3 days of gastro and completely naked when Jupiter is in the fourth house of Venus and the scales are pointing north west. When will that go away? Ever? When will I stop writing down what I eat just to convince myself that it wasnt as much as I used to eat? When will I stop associate being full with being an inadequate piece of human workmanship? When will I stop comparing myself to how good I could be if only I stuck to the rules 100% of the time? These are not overriding beliefs all of the time but when things get dark - and it aint all sunshine and roses here in Shaggsville - this is what goes through my head.
I was just thinking I'm not a food junkie anymore! Ha! After reading that little blurb its not quite as convincing. But its not as painful to be around food. I'm not pining all the time. I dont think the world is out to get me because they keep eating when I cant. I am not constantly stopping myself from shoving anything edible (and lets face it, sometimes inedible) into my mouth. I think I'm at the acceptance level of grief (for this moment in time anyway) I do still remove myself from food situations but only for my own good. The pain is an excellent deterrant and I really dont think I could do this if I didnt feel the pain. Am I becoming the lapband equivalent of a cutter? I dont like the pain and I dont seek it but it does do something to me that the food doesnt have to do anymore. It distracts me from the emotional pain I guess? From the reason why I eat in the first place? OK this is all getting too Freudian or Jungian or something for me, my education didnt take me past this point so my brain cant quite get through these ideas and make sense of them. Where's Germain Greer or Naomi Wolf when you need them? Out chasing wolves and rooting men 40 years younger I suspect.
My 7 year old gave me a hug the other day and noticed something highly unusal that I didnt notice, her hands met up behind my back. They'd never done that before and I'd never noticed. Very nice point. She's terrified I'm going to end up looking like Paris Hilton. I could eat Paris Hilton for afternoon tea! She also said that the band is going to kill me when I'm 40 (that better not be one of her freaky prophecies), she thinks I'm cyborg with a machine inside me. She's shed a few tears over it all but I think she's through it all now. F%^& what damage our behaviours inflict upon our children. If only the world were the perfect Utopia I create inside my head that makes me wear jeans that are too small and a top thats too tight. Ahhh Prettyland... where no child has to cry for her fat mother.... where no one hears you eat.... where the scales always read "gorgeous" no matter which house of Uranus they're in.
Did I mention I cant sleep? Could it be the copious amounts of energy I have? Every night is such a bad night that I cant wait for the next night cause I know I'll just flake (yum...) but instead, another shit's night sleep. I'm running on a few hours. I think I need to up the exercise thing and expend some of this energy or maybe I really need some food to get through the night. I've never slept well on an empty stomach, but then I never wake up and weigh well on a full stomach. Cant win.
This is all too much, Prettyland calls......
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
One month bandiversary been and gone!
So my one month bandiversary came and went on the 10th. Cant believe its been a month. It feels like a week ago I was wishing I was everyone else who was done and dusted. And now here I am. And my band is starting to do what it was programmed to do, no thanks to the programmer mind you. My band now tells me that its time to stop eating - I no longer need the threat of medieval style pain somewhere down the track to make me stop eating. The response is becoming more immediate and lets face it, I'm like a dog, I must be punished within 60 seconds of committing the crime or I just dont get it and I AM a repeat offender. I have been applying some of the rules of band eating and lo and behold - they work! I no longer drink while I eat (a very hard thing for me to do) so I actually get full!!! Would you believe it! Half an hour later (amount of time I have to wait according to my doctor) I am running for the fridge and squealing for water like I used to carry on for a Cherry Ripe but sometimes its up to 2 hours before I realise I'm due for a drink. Thats been a big break through for me. Its protein protein protein and carbs are almost no existent - lets remember what a massive carb addict I am! We'll see how I go next week (big hormonal week for me - but lets face it every week's a hormonal roller coaster) but so far so good!
Monday, March 9, 2009
A (kinda) Nice Place to Be
So heres something I've been thinking about and I'm a little worried I may have mentioned it already but here it is anyway (and thanks to Nene for the inspiration). After my PB experience I have been on my best behaviour. Its a nice reminder that this is serious medical shit and not to be f$%^ with. So apparently after a PB (which can cause a band slip just like a full vomit! Yikes!) your little pouch gets swollen and thats why you are so restricted after and you should actually do liquids and then mushies for a few days after. Learn something new everyday dont you - thank you to Mindy from Skinny in Texas for that little nugget. And also, for some people having a drink to get "unstuck" actually makes matters worse (I think it actually helps for me but I've always been a freak). Also, if I hear one more person complain about eating sushi I'm going to write a book about it. I have always gotten really bloated from rice so I havent touched it since the op and I certainly never will now!
So my food intake has been very under control and I think its actually starting to look a little too much like self control. I would really like my band to be restrictive enough to make me full while I'm eating or very soon after. Unfortunately, I feel like I could eat the whole table and the only thing that stops me is the fear of pain and PB's and slips etc. I currently have to stop mid meal and go "OK now lets stop there before we go too far" and quite frankly, I'm sorry, but if that level of self control came naturally to me, I wouldnt need a band!!!! Yes pain and medical intervention is a rather strong deterrant but hello - there's only so far I can go with will power - I think being 30kg over weight and morbidly obese kinda proves that....???? So, no wonder that on Friday night I had a few wines and the self control went out the window with the cork and I ate a piece of bread, noice. Went down surprisingly well (lubricated with a glass of wine). And I hate to say, I had another one just in case I was wrong about how well the first one went down. All's good now but I really wanted to be reverrent with my band after the PB fiasco and the bloody wine and the lack of restriction. Boo friggety hoo!
I also do so mourn a good gorge. I dont do sweets and chocolate etc (a little here and there) they aren't my binge mediums of choice. So there's no "getting around the band" for a carb addict especially when its your guts that actually hurt regardless of what you eat and not the band. To really binge I need crunchy carbs and creamy dips etc etc (wont go into it I'll start to crave and cry).
I would love to feel real hunger again and just stuff myself silly. I kina always feel satisified (physically not necessarily emotionally) I would also like the band to "work" so I dont even think about food like first thing post op. Right now I just have to stop eating cause I know down the track (about half hour) it will hurt. I would like the warning a little sooner, like say, about half an hour sooner and about five mouthfuls.
OK I agree, I think now I'm just starting to sound like a whingeing bitch. I've got something stopping me from going too far (ie: pain) so stop complaining. And who would of thought - a lapband can stop you from bingeing - shock horror! On a high note, I am feeling very calm and relaxed. I think when you cant feed your face after a stressful situation you just kinda sit with it and let it wash over you, what else can you do? Never really been a screamer (husband may disagree but what does he know). Went for a lovely walk this morning in the rain on my own no other walkers out - still dark - it was lovely - I'll do that again. So life kinda resembles something quite nice at the moment, not perfect but pretty well manageable and under control. Nice place to be really.
So my food intake has been very under control and I think its actually starting to look a little too much like self control. I would really like my band to be restrictive enough to make me full while I'm eating or very soon after. Unfortunately, I feel like I could eat the whole table and the only thing that stops me is the fear of pain and PB's and slips etc. I currently have to stop mid meal and go "OK now lets stop there before we go too far" and quite frankly, I'm sorry, but if that level of self control came naturally to me, I wouldnt need a band!!!! Yes pain and medical intervention is a rather strong deterrant but hello - there's only so far I can go with will power - I think being 30kg over weight and morbidly obese kinda proves that....???? So, no wonder that on Friday night I had a few wines and the self control went out the window with the cork and I ate a piece of bread, noice. Went down surprisingly well (lubricated with a glass of wine). And I hate to say, I had another one just in case I was wrong about how well the first one went down. All's good now but I really wanted to be reverrent with my band after the PB fiasco and the bloody wine and the lack of restriction. Boo friggety hoo!
I also do so mourn a good gorge. I dont do sweets and chocolate etc (a little here and there) they aren't my binge mediums of choice. So there's no "getting around the band" for a carb addict especially when its your guts that actually hurt regardless of what you eat and not the band. To really binge I need crunchy carbs and creamy dips etc etc (wont go into it I'll start to crave and cry).
I would love to feel real hunger again and just stuff myself silly. I kina always feel satisified (physically not necessarily emotionally) I would also like the band to "work" so I dont even think about food like first thing post op. Right now I just have to stop eating cause I know down the track (about half hour) it will hurt. I would like the warning a little sooner, like say, about half an hour sooner and about five mouthfuls.
OK I agree, I think now I'm just starting to sound like a whingeing bitch. I've got something stopping me from going too far (ie: pain) so stop complaining. And who would of thought - a lapband can stop you from bingeing - shock horror! On a high note, I am feeling very calm and relaxed. I think when you cant feed your face after a stressful situation you just kinda sit with it and let it wash over you, what else can you do? Never really been a screamer (husband may disagree but what does he know). Went for a lovely walk this morning in the rain on my own no other walkers out - still dark - it was lovely - I'll do that again. So life kinda resembles something quite nice at the moment, not perfect but pretty well manageable and under control. Nice place to be really.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Pic update and my first PB!
So, here's the next instalment of the Shaggs in full colour series. I think I look better than this but I always have had a touch of the reverse anorexias ie; thinking you look better than you do other symptoms include bingeing and not purging, standing infront of a mirror thinking how skinny you look, growing no hair in fat patches and wearing undersized clothes. While sufferers usually present as middle aged white men it can afflict anyone at any stage of life. Recovery is a long slow process of the patient carefully studying pictures of themselves (next to "normal" looking people offers the best results), taking weight and measurement analysis, attending bariatric surgery seminars and a BMI study. Great progress is also made using a family recording device such as a video camera whereby the patient can observe themselves in their natural surroundings in full, 3 dimensional colour and sound.
So yesterday we left me bored and it just got worse from there. I picked and nibbled all afternoon and then we had a BBQ with the sister in law by which time I had picked my way through several meals and when meal time actually came I ate my holier than though little plate full, I stopped before it hurt but by then it was too late and boy did it hurt! I could actually feel the port hurting as the tubing that goes to the port was pulling over my massively distended (enlarged) stomach and pulling on the port. Man that hurt! Psychologically I still could have eaten more. I do not feel any pain around my band and my stomach does not feel full but the pain, as we have discussed, is more than enough to keep me on the straight and narrow.
So, I go to take the bins out (everything's a woman's job in this house there are no "gender barriers" around here why stifle a perfectly independant woman?) and I didnt even bend over or anything - I did a burp and there it was, food where food wasnt meant to be (again)! Pretty. It didnt come out (but then I am known to never waste good food) but I knew what it was! Funny thing is, I didnt feel full but I must have been. So I had a cup of boiling hot water to "wash" the food down and that helped immediately. No more pain. For good or bad, I now know how to get rid of that god awful feeling. Still, I'm hoping a fill will leave me full.
So you must be thinking, "She's PB'ed and its all over" right? Nuh uh. This morning I woke up with a gassy tight chest and I could feel my band was tight. Why should that stop a meal I ask you? Of course I had breakfast - the standard little meal of 1 egg and some ham and cheese all grilled up and a coffee. Went down like a brick with no grout but who am I to complain. Felt VERY full then but bang on 4 hours and I'm ravenous again. So I had a salad and some prawns and man did that shit get stuck!!!!! Woah horsey! It was stuck good and hard. I kept swilling that water until finally it unstuck and now I just want to graze all day so as to avoid any other nasty side effects. Lunch was unsatisfying and a bit of a write off so I have spent alot of the afternoon trying to compensate with low fat chips, chocolate and anything snackable. Dumb cow that I am.
I was kind of happy in a sick way though. I have been singing in my head all day "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you" me and my little band. Kinda feels like its not there sometimes and today and last night has been a nice reminder. Like when you're preggers and you have morning sickness and then nothing. From week 11 on its nothing. Dont look pregnant, dont feel pregnant, maybe not pregnant? Then week 16 - 18 and its all back on again. I realise that what has gone on in the past 24 hours is sooooo not good and could lead to the band slipping etc but I'm just so happy that I'm normal and my band has some parameters - that I cant just binge and get away with it. Have I mentioned that I love my band?
So yesterday we left me bored and it just got worse from there. I picked and nibbled all afternoon and then we had a BBQ with the sister in law by which time I had picked my way through several meals and when meal time actually came I ate my holier than though little plate full, I stopped before it hurt but by then it was too late and boy did it hurt! I could actually feel the port hurting as the tubing that goes to the port was pulling over my massively distended (enlarged) stomach and pulling on the port. Man that hurt! Psychologically I still could have eaten more. I do not feel any pain around my band and my stomach does not feel full but the pain, as we have discussed, is more than enough to keep me on the straight and narrow.
So, I go to take the bins out (everything's a woman's job in this house there are no "gender barriers" around here why stifle a perfectly independant woman?) and I didnt even bend over or anything - I did a burp and there it was, food where food wasnt meant to be (again)! Pretty. It didnt come out (but then I am known to never waste good food) but I knew what it was! Funny thing is, I didnt feel full but I must have been. So I had a cup of boiling hot water to "wash" the food down and that helped immediately. No more pain. For good or bad, I now know how to get rid of that god awful feeling. Still, I'm hoping a fill will leave me full.
So you must be thinking, "She's PB'ed and its all over" right? Nuh uh. This morning I woke up with a gassy tight chest and I could feel my band was tight. Why should that stop a meal I ask you? Of course I had breakfast - the standard little meal of 1 egg and some ham and cheese all grilled up and a coffee. Went down like a brick with no grout but who am I to complain. Felt VERY full then but bang on 4 hours and I'm ravenous again. So I had a salad and some prawns and man did that shit get stuck!!!!! Woah horsey! It was stuck good and hard. I kept swilling that water until finally it unstuck and now I just want to graze all day so as to avoid any other nasty side effects. Lunch was unsatisfying and a bit of a write off so I have spent alot of the afternoon trying to compensate with low fat chips, chocolate and anything snackable. Dumb cow that I am.
I was kind of happy in a sick way though. I have been singing in my head all day "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you" me and my little band. Kinda feels like its not there sometimes and today and last night has been a nice reminder. Like when you're preggers and you have morning sickness and then nothing. From week 11 on its nothing. Dont look pregnant, dont feel pregnant, maybe not pregnant? Then week 16 - 18 and its all back on again. I realise that what has gone on in the past 24 hours is sooooo not good and could lead to the band slipping etc but I'm just so happy that I'm normal and my band has some parameters - that I cant just binge and get away with it. Have I mentioned that I love my band?
Thursday, March 5, 2009
A deletable post
I should probably delete this post but here it is anyway.
I'm pretty bored. I can tell because I'm baking shit I cant eat. Well, I can but I dont really like it all that much. I also know I'm bored because I have been nibbling away all day. I have pulled myself up since lunch, but anyway, I'm bored.
I woke up this morning feeling A1, still feel really good, just bored. I was looking in the mirror this morning and just couldnt believe what I was looking at. I just loved myself sick! My husband tried to give me some spiel last night about food intake going up and some stupid shit about eating more or something - I really cant remember what exactly but the point of the story was, he was trying to argue a point with a professional dieter and now bander and homey dont play that! I just cut him off cause he clearly didnt know what he was talking about and I wasnt going to argue - it was some shit about a fill not being able to restrict you. Duh like he'd know. Anyway I think out of all the people I havent told about the band maybe he was the one I really shouldnt have told? He was pretty chuffed this morning as we looked in the mirror and he acknowledges with a huge smile how much weight I've lost, he can be so supportive but then a total prick - not that he means it necessarily. Anyway its kinda like living with a food Nazi and right now I'm so in control its a bit of an offence to think that someone is watching over your shoulder and dictating to you. Its actually not gotten quite that bad or even close but its a thought. or maybe I'm just bored. Time to do something, just dont know what.
I went to the SIOS (Sydney Institute of Obesity Surgery) monthly group meeting on Tuesday night. Tops! Love it! Still amazed at how generous experienced banders are with their time and knowledge - we gas bagged til 10.30pm in the carpark. That was over 4 hours straight of solid gas bagging! The banders are so great at holding your hand and listening to your naive gripes about trivial band crap and give such great advice and reassurance. Spent another night this week on the lap band chat room - once again, tops. A total must to have good knowledgable support especially if you dont have it in real life - online is awesome and should NEVER be underestimated. We all seem to take turns at feeling good and bad and helping each other out. Everyone needs reminding of the good things they have achieved and how most of the bad things are just a phase or completely normal under the circumstances.
Anyway, as life would have it I must return to my post as a mother and cleaner. I'm sorry for this boring post, I promise next one will be better, I'm just bored.
I'm pretty bored. I can tell because I'm baking shit I cant eat. Well, I can but I dont really like it all that much. I also know I'm bored because I have been nibbling away all day. I have pulled myself up since lunch, but anyway, I'm bored.
I woke up this morning feeling A1, still feel really good, just bored. I was looking in the mirror this morning and just couldnt believe what I was looking at. I just loved myself sick! My husband tried to give me some spiel last night about food intake going up and some stupid shit about eating more or something - I really cant remember what exactly but the point of the story was, he was trying to argue a point with a professional dieter and now bander and homey dont play that! I just cut him off cause he clearly didnt know what he was talking about and I wasnt going to argue - it was some shit about a fill not being able to restrict you. Duh like he'd know. Anyway I think out of all the people I havent told about the band maybe he was the one I really shouldnt have told? He was pretty chuffed this morning as we looked in the mirror and he acknowledges with a huge smile how much weight I've lost, he can be so supportive but then a total prick - not that he means it necessarily. Anyway its kinda like living with a food Nazi and right now I'm so in control its a bit of an offence to think that someone is watching over your shoulder and dictating to you. Its actually not gotten quite that bad or even close but its a thought. or maybe I'm just bored. Time to do something, just dont know what.
I went to the SIOS (Sydney Institute of Obesity Surgery) monthly group meeting on Tuesday night. Tops! Love it! Still amazed at how generous experienced banders are with their time and knowledge - we gas bagged til 10.30pm in the carpark. That was over 4 hours straight of solid gas bagging! The banders are so great at holding your hand and listening to your naive gripes about trivial band crap and give such great advice and reassurance. Spent another night this week on the lap band chat room - once again, tops. A total must to have good knowledgable support especially if you dont have it in real life - online is awesome and should NEVER be underestimated. We all seem to take turns at feeling good and bad and helping each other out. Everyone needs reminding of the good things they have achieved and how most of the bad things are just a phase or completely normal under the circumstances.
Anyway, as life would have it I must return to my post as a mother and cleaner. I'm sorry for this boring post, I promise next one will be better, I'm just bored.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Cleaning in the pursuit of purity and other hangover cures
It a well known fact in these parts that I suffer from a weird kind of hangover. Sure I get really thirsty and a touch of a dehydration headache but the best thing of all is I get totally hyperactive and go on absolute cleaning frenzy!!! I believe its a psychological "cleaning in the pursuit of some kind of purity and detoxification".
Maybe its because my mother always used to make me have a shower when I got home from a session of total putridness on the turps - I believe her words were "Go and wash the filth of the streets off you". Either way, I love it!
So take it back a step and yes, I indulged last night. Husband away, bit bored and lonely so I get stuck in. First real drinking session since the band. Got pleasantly mangled on one bottle over about 4 hours, left my dinner for 11pm cause I knew I'd eat once I'd drunk my inhibitions away (oh how I'm growing up!) so the scales were good to me this morning and I woke up with a scorching case of the cleaning frenzies. I figure this was my exercise also. I cleaned and scrubbed my way through the entire house cleaning dirt and dust no one would even know existed.
Sometimes I love the person I am, its a shame it takes 8 standard drinks to bring out the love, but at least its accessible in some form. I have always done this, it didnt matter if I had dossed at some random strangers house. I'd pick my way through the unconcious bodies and start cleaning some rank anonymous kitchen, clearing away the sins of the previous night (getting rid of the empty beer bottles is my favourite) cleaning up after a party is my kinda heaven. There just wasnt enough hours today for the kind of energy I had.
On a normal day, I'm a slob. Anything is more important than cleaning. I justify it by saying that I'll never remember cleaning on my death bed but I'll always remember whatever it was I was enjoying instead of cleaning. But give me too much to drink and I turn into Mrs Sheen. I have often been heard saying that alcohol makes me a better person and who can argue the evidence looking around at my sparkling clean house today! So the point of the story is, I've had a top day. I've barely thought about food (I would usually eat my way to wellness after a binge drink) I've worked my butt off and I have a house that requires visitors to witness the magnificence - after all - why clean a house if no ones going to appreciate it?
Maybe its because my mother always used to make me have a shower when I got home from a session of total putridness on the turps - I believe her words were "Go and wash the filth of the streets off you". Either way, I love it!
So take it back a step and yes, I indulged last night. Husband away, bit bored and lonely so I get stuck in. First real drinking session since the band. Got pleasantly mangled on one bottle over about 4 hours, left my dinner for 11pm cause I knew I'd eat once I'd drunk my inhibitions away (oh how I'm growing up!) so the scales were good to me this morning and I woke up with a scorching case of the cleaning frenzies. I figure this was my exercise also. I cleaned and scrubbed my way through the entire house cleaning dirt and dust no one would even know existed.
Sometimes I love the person I am, its a shame it takes 8 standard drinks to bring out the love, but at least its accessible in some form. I have always done this, it didnt matter if I had dossed at some random strangers house. I'd pick my way through the unconcious bodies and start cleaning some rank anonymous kitchen, clearing away the sins of the previous night (getting rid of the empty beer bottles is my favourite) cleaning up after a party is my kinda heaven. There just wasnt enough hours today for the kind of energy I had.
On a normal day, I'm a slob. Anything is more important than cleaning. I justify it by saying that I'll never remember cleaning on my death bed but I'll always remember whatever it was I was enjoying instead of cleaning. But give me too much to drink and I turn into Mrs Sheen. I have often been heard saying that alcohol makes me a better person and who can argue the evidence looking around at my sparkling clean house today! So the point of the story is, I've had a top day. I've barely thought about food (I would usually eat my way to wellness after a binge drink) I've worked my butt off and I have a house that requires visitors to witness the magnificence - after all - why clean a house if no ones going to appreciate it?
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Born again bander
OK so keeping things in perspective now and on a more positive note, the scale Gods have been good to me and I am now 93.6kg!!!!!! Finally, over the 94's and into the 93's YAY! Thats 9kg loss in not quite 5 weeks. I must must must respect that, maintain it and nurture and definitely NOT forget the feeling when I stepped on those scales. I was going to blog about all the nasty things i have been doing (eg: "coal shovelling" thank you to Nola for that eloquent description, Nola likes to use a cake fork I however could use a toothpick and still get in enough to feel like a snooker ball going down all while eating faster than a dog with worms! Nice.) always so much funnier than the "saintly" blogs but instead, I'm moving on for now. Thank you to Nola and all the other bloggers and forum members who have held my hand and made me feel ok during this period (and I dont think it has passed just yet) I often wonder if I had known about all the people who abuse food in the same way as I always have would we have ended here? Probably. I have also seen an even darker place that I really dont think I want to visit - anything that involves an equivalent pain to that experienced post op I will try my hardest to avoid (thank you again Nola for sharing your experience and mentioning the pain - this can all become such a joke but I will NEVER forget the pain). The problem is that you dont know how far you've gone until its too late I am more than sure that I'll make it to that too far point one day, but for now, I live in mortal fear. I have been doing the whole "grass is alway greener on the other side of a fill" thing without enjoying this period for what it is - a time to heal and to try all different things and see how they work (Thank you Nene for reminding me of that) we always need to be reminded of our own best advice, dont we? Why cant we be our own best friends? Anyway, thank god for all the other friends out there who can tell us when we should pull our heads in enjoy what we have. I hope I havent come off holier than though (we all know I am most certainly not) I just dont think I have explained things very well here. I am so grateful for everyone sharing their awesome, hilarious, moving stories and I hope to god their warnings help me one day down the track. And if not, I can only wish to write a hilarious account of the kind of calibre only seen in Nola's brilliant blog. I will always be in awe of how she turns horror into humour!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Weight Loss From 27th January 2009
