My Own Personal Xanadu

Hellloooooooooooo blogland! In the words of our illustrious Everything But the Girl - "and I miss you, like the deserts miss the rain"! I may not have been posting but I have been voyeuristically keeping up with all of my blogger buddies even if I dont always comment (or I do and then press the wrong button and it doesnt get posted!) Loving Amy (The Land of Cheese and Sunkist), Drazil, Lonicera, Nola, Nene and the list goes on and on. If it wasnt for you guys I kinda dont know if it would feel like I have any friends??? Its kinda sad too when I talk about "my friends" in everyday conversation and I've actually never met any of you but I think we all know each other better than our "real life" friends.

So, heres a short recap of my life for the past three months:

1. Hit the 80.0 mark about two weeks ago and have been hanging around 80 - 81 ever since but I'll get back to that.

2. Africa was AMAZING!!!! Will never ever forget it!!! Life is for living and seeing this amazing world not for working and scrimping and saving every cent to be kidded into believing you own a very small piece of land with some bricks and concrete on it. With that belief in mind we are off to Queensland for some summer loving in 10 days cause this Melbourne winter has been toooooooo long!!

3. Have a very full and complete understanding of my weight loss, eating and metabolic cycles and thus - am not anxious about teetering around the same weight for a few weeks cause thats what I do and before you know it I will be living in the 70's. With this in mind I have also come to the conclusion that, for now, the band has taken me as far as I can go and I have to start pulling some weight of my own (think I've been saying that for a while now!!?!?)

4. I freaking love myself and my band. Love Love Love!!!! I have never felt so good physically and psychologically. This photo was taken while we were out on a family trip to the aquarium and I feel it really captures the sense of joy and freedom I feel at the moment. You see, family days out have always been very fraught for me. I never knew what to wear or how to look and I always felt insecure around other mums especially in the city cause you get all the uber mums who are so damn gorgeous and fashionable in an "our house is full of Alessi" kinda way. Quite often too my husband would get depressed looking at other peoples wives and all up we'd just have some shit times - the day itself with the kids etc would be great - but there'd be a horrible bad taste in our mouths at the end at how shabby and inadequate we both felt. Shit - I know - but thats reality. And I also know you shouldnt let husbands treat you that way and make you feel shite for being you but I allowed it and that kinda shows you where I was at that time. Anyhow, now, I just feel gorgeous! I'm not thinking about food all day while we're out, I love what I wear and sad and gross but true, I get power from my husband fawning all over me and picking me out of the crowd as the MILF. Sick, yes but thats me now. Its not how I power my entire life but damn it, I've spent too many years as the sad frumpy mum to not take some delight in looking and feeling this way.

5. Summers a comin! And I'm feeling a little wobbly in the jiggly bits so I have been gently incorporating walking into my life I know I really need to hit the gym as I know I can get myself to a point where very little moves and god I love Amy (Land of Cheese and Sunkist) working out like a demon (but I also know when you've got a hot Personal Trainer its that much easier!). Part of me does crave it - I do love to sweat it out so maybe I should bite the bullet!? Its sounding better by the minute........

6. Just bought size 14 (US size 10) jeans and I mean TRUE size 14 from a shop for under 25's. Speechless. Oh and the jeans I am pictured in at the left as one of my "before the really fat days and the last time I tried to seriously diet (77kgs)" photos now fit me. The moment when they slid up my legs and did up was truly a spiritual moving moment (i just wrote that it was like looking into your baby's eyes for the first time but i deleted it for fear of some seriously well deserved harsh judgment but it was a pretty special moment)

7. I do hate blogging sometimes - I always seem to come out sounding like I'm blowing my own trumpet and its kinda tedious to hear but one of these days soon I'll post when I'm in a stinker of a mood - it can be pretty descriptive and kinda funny. So anyway, not all is roses and sunshine and I have been having my annual "reassess your life" period where everything kinda seems a bit shite but I have to say the good times are once again outweighing the bad. We have been here in Melbourne for a year now and the severe loneliness is no longer however I would like a greater range of people to hang with I pretty much spend 99% of my time with my seriously dysfunctional bestie and I do love her but even she's having dreams at night of her husband telling her we need to see less of each other. My husband is still looking earnestly for work in Queensland and right now I'm bored and ready to go again. I dont think I'll ever feel really settled or rooted to a place like I did in Sydney - that part of my heart has been broken now, nothing much could really do any more damage than that now.

Anyhoo more to come (i know i've said that before) but I really will try to stay on it now (i've said that too)....