Why not? or But Why?

Well there's definitely things going on in my head and I mean good things not like the little white men are coming kinda thing. I have worked out that what I am eating in a day is 9.5pts on weight watchers where normally I would eat 22 points on a very strict day. So I know I have quite a few points to play with and still lose weight. However, despite giving myself every opportunity to cheat on the side and it is Saturday etc etc I have been asking myself "But why?" when before I would say "ah bugger it why not?" and just scoff. I am actually analyzing what I would actually get out of stuffing something in my gob. I was even thinking of some Macca's but I knew that if I went there I would feel worse because of the carb cycle thing and the never ending quest to stave off the hunger after a carb binge.

let me say too, that although weight watchers allows you alot of different things it is actually harder to stick to than this. I dont know if I'm just a grown up now and thinking differently or its the carbs and low fat cracker crap that WW pushes in the pursuit of maximising what you eat for little points irrespective of the impact of that food on your hunger or metabolism.

I think we may have reached an enlightening..... Everyone may have been right - this does actually get better by the 4th or 5th day.

Grieving for food

I'm kinda in a funk. Its all good its just that I want food. Or I want to be totally left alone to cope with this. I'm bored with this Optishite ( actually its not even that bad) its just that its Friday night, I would love to get some take away and a bottle of wine and what do I do when I cant?

I have found throughout the last 4 days on Opti I have noticed how many of my thoughts, actions, feelings and activities are based around food. Food punctuates every event and every waking thought and I really miss it. I really miss meat and fruit and carbs, crunchy chips or crackers or bread oh toast! Will I ever eat these things with joy again? Is this it? Do other people pine for food? My friend, my enemy its starting to feel like the acceptance stage of grief or maybe we're a little denial and a little acceptance still with a sprinkle of anger. As a mother food is one of the only things we can do or enjoy with kids around. We stay home an awful lot cause its just too hard to get out babysitting, money etc so you stay home and what..... eat, cook, eat or cook or get someone else to cook and then eat some more. Watch a movie - with food - go on a picnic - with food - go to someone elses house - take food - get kids off to school - pack food - food food food I'm freaking over this and this is why I want a band and yet here I am without a band fighting this horrendous, neverending fight. I'm starting to want to scream!!!!!!!!!!

So, yes I can eat, but more f$%^&ing vegetables. So I try to make them interesting but you know what? Its still f#$%^ing vegetables. I just want a piece of meat with my vegetables not a freakin foul milkshake. I have no inkling for maccas kfc or any other shite for that matter I just want meat. Could this be some weird protein overdose like a dog who eats raw meat for the first time and gets a taste for blood? I actually want chicken - I dont want a bleeding piece of cow. Would it be breaking if I had grilled chicken with my vegetables tonight instead of a revolting choc milkshake? Is that breaking or is having a burger or take away or wine breaking? Would that make me happy? Having chicken, would that make me happy? Or will it start the snowball rolling?

The dietician said they used to put people on low fat diets but they found that people were making all kinds of substitutes and not losing weight so Optishit is the best way to keep people on the straight and narrow. So would chicken prepared lovingly by an ex weight watcher be cheating? Funny thing is, I dont actually feel that hungry but also today I am actually not getting full either??? Strange, could there be something else at play here? Maybe PMT? Who knows? Must go my baked vegetables are ready (snore)

From one addict to another!

If you were a heroin addict you would be in rehab right now drying out in peace and quiet with all of the help and medical intervention and all of the love and support in the world. I am a recovering food addict and expect to be treated as such. Sometimes feeding the kids gets too much for me and I ask someone else to take over or make the kids wait. I turn off the food ads and cooking shows on the TV. I spend minimal time in woolworths. I prepare one meal and one meal only no variations, clean up straight away and get out of that kitchen quick smart. At the moment no one is allowed to eat any overly smelly foods around me or crunch away on carbs. My moods must be tolerated. I am preparing foods that require as little preparation as possible eg: left overs, oven baked pre packaged foods, bbq chooks and someone else has to clean up the leftovers. No cafes, restaurants, take aways no sitting watching other people eat while I remain resiliant. I am finally treating myself like my own best friend with their best interests in mind. I'm speaking up and asking for help and I better get it or I will crack it!!!

Having said that - Day 3 on Optifast and feeling great today! Dont have that weird, empty hungry feeling I'm really getting used to this. I would LOVE something different but I'm starting to get inventive with the vegies so that helps. I just HAD to weigh myself today and you know what - I have lost 3.2kgs in 2 days!!!! and thats no smoke and mirrors completely naked first thing in morning no periods etc or other weight reducing techniques no diaretics (sic) and I havent been exercising as I really did not feel I had the kilojoule capacity to uphold any extra physical activity. Just the Optifast and I have been sticking to it like glue although I think I may have exceeded the vegie intake but far out they have NO fat so really, its kinda like eating air. I miss fruit and I miss salt but I'm getting over that.

Here's some tips that have helped me through this phase

1. Start as early as you can weaning yourself off alcohol, carbs, artificial sweetners, fizzy drinks, salt and food quantity.

2. Dont let yourself get overly hungry. Stay close to home so you can eat the right things at the right time or be prepared if you're going out. Treat  yourself like a newborn baby. You wouldnt make a baby wait so why should you? If you're hungry at 11am eat! I have found breaking down my meals into 2-3hour snacks helps heaps. I have a bar for breakfast with my tea or coffee (and really, if you have about 3 tablespoons of milk in your drink it wont kill if it means you're going to stick to this gig) The bar usually hangs around mostly uneaten all morning and I have little bites over a 1 -2 hour period. Around 11 I have a soup mix or some of my vegies either a salad or hot vegies. Around 1 or 2 pm I have more vegies around 5.30 I have more vegies (usually a soup I have made) and for dessert at around 7pm I have the shake. I am actually eating all day but just little bits (Like about a half or a cup at a time). Sometimes I keep a mouthful left over and shove that in if the hunger starts up, it just needs a tiny bit of something to stop. You dont have to be full to not experience hunger. I ESPECIALLY have something to nibble on while I'm cooking for everyone else.

2.5. Dont go near carbs! Dont lick your fingers, dont smell them, dont even have one little taste or even glimpse for that matter, not a crumb, not a crust it will, and I swear this is guaranteed, trip your switch in your brain and you will lose all control. You will no longer be in control it will be someone else and when you finally come back I guarantee you will be sooooooooooo disappointed. You would NEVER suggest that a heroin addict have one little half a shot or just lick the syringe so why would you do it with food?

3. Freeze the optifast milkshake or half freeze and lick and suck and crunch away YUM! Just like a chocolate Paddle Pop.

4. Dont underestimate the power of a sugar free chewy lolly to get you through! Having said that - 

5. Do try and steer away from artifical sweetners and diet drinks, save them for a treat have a mouthful and really enjoy the flavour and sensation dont think of them as a big skolling drink. I find they make you hungry.  They are carbohydrate modified foods and that means - the carbohydrates will modify your brain.

6. Be concious of the things that bring you joy and happiness that are not food related and realise that you will find comfort in places other than with food.

7. Keep busy

8. Blog

9. Chat to others on forums etc

Enjoy the journey - if possible!

Its only day 3 and this may be premature but maybe this will help me get through the bad days if I re read it - I hope it helps someone  out there!

Vegie San Choy Bow (Lettuce Parcels)

Yum yum! is all I can say about this one. On Optifast I was missing eating parceled up food like sandwiches and I really like the crunch but without the carroty vegie taste so I invented this one, give it a try. Once again it complies with Optifast presurgery diet and is 0 points on Weight Watchers.

Spray a little olive oil spray or cooking spray or use non stick fry pan lightly fry some ginger, garlic and about 2 cups of shredded vegies perhaps:

Carrot

Cabbage

Onion

Fresh Beetroot

Zuchini (sic)

Bean shoots or whatever else you like from Opti list
I use woolworths pre packaged Rainbow Salad mix and coleslaw mix (no dressing) saves the time and work and makes it a no brainer and super quick for when you're starving. I like the vegies really thin as I am a bit sick of vegie tastes and really dont want to taste any one vegie in particular.

Just as vegies start to soften add about 1 tablespoon of soy and about 2 tablespoons water and fry it off
Take a big iceberg lettuce leaf

Put about 2-3 tablespoons of mix in and roll it up dont over fill as it falls apart and the taste ratios start to mess up.

This makes about 1 cooked cup of mix and with 2 lettuce leaves you're right on it babe!

Splash out: use a tiny bit of oyster sauce - you're upping your salt but increasing flavour by magnitudes. If you use it after cooking in the wrap you dont need as much maybe a tablespoon all up.

Now try that and tell me you feel deprived!

Creamy Cauliflower Soup Recipe

The creamy soup you're eating when you're not eating creamy soup its Shaggs' Cauliflower soup and its delicious!

It has no fat or sugar and minimal salt (optional). It is allowed on the Optifast presurgery diet, the mushy food diet post surgery (possibly even liquids depending on how thin you make it) and is 0 points on weight watchers


Approx 500grams cauliflower roughly chopped 4 Shallots roughly chopped
1 tsp chicken stock or any stock (yes I know its got salt but get over it think about how much salt is in KFC)
Enough water in your pot to cover the lot
Boil until its quite soft
At the last minute if you like add a tablespoon of curry powder (YUM)
Drain most of the water off but keep it in a pot on the side
Leave about a cup of water in the pot with the cauli's etc
Blend the lot it should be mushy beaware that if its hot it may splatter on you

Keep adding the reserved water until you have the right consistency that you like. You really want it smooth and creamy to trick your brain that you are eating a creamy soup.

Even if you splashed out and put a tablespoon of low fat sour cream or yoghurt on the top it wouldnt "break the bank" so enjoy!

"Just cause I'm fat doesnt mean I love sugar" and other Optifast stories

So, here we are at the end of day two, it may be too early to tell but its not so bad. I dont mind the actual products and their flavours. They are a bit dry and grainy but they're kinda workable. But why oh why does everything have to be sweet? The only savoury option is the soup which I really like but thats it. I am so over artificial sweetness it takes me about 2 hours to eat the chocolate bar and the milkshake has to be almost frozen stiff - and oh what I'd give for some salt! I was just so famished this morning I just had to weigh myself to record the damage and woah - i lost 1.8kg since the morning before!

It really shits me that a fat person must automatically love sugar and chocolate. Sorry, but I'm a carb addict of the salty and savoury variety. I think I'm going to go crazy before the 2 weeks is up but so far so good. Although had a doozy of a row with the husband yesterday and I feel like I might die in my sleep if I expend too much energy getting to bed but all up, not so bad. The kids keep asking why I'm so cranky but I am also not taking any shit from anyone anymore so they have to start cleaning up after themselves and if that sounds like I'm shitty and not the typical marshmallow mum they're used to - then so be it!

I ate a huge lunch the day before Opti and didnt feel like dinner so yesterday I was starving. Today the starving is a little less and I have been cooking up some recipes with the vegies.  There's one for you in the next blog.

As you can see this blog is a little scattered and I really just dont have the brain power or kilojoule content for this kind of activity by this time of night so until next time......

The Last Supper - Bye Bye Shaggs, its been nice knowing you!

Today I had my last supper and early birthday celebration. There was some debating about where we would go and everyone wanted to go to GPK a family pizza place (very nice) but I wanted my favourite Danny's Seafood Restaurant and you know what, I put my foot down and for once insisted we do what I wanted to do purely and simply because it was what I wanted and it was my day. Nice feeling too it was!

And it was yum! But you know what, glad I did it but I'm not sure I'm going to miss it!? NOTHING tastes as good as being skinny feels. I feel like my brain is in the zone and now my body has to catch up and I'm actually looking forward to Opti tomorrow. I'm all stocked up and ready to go, have a rough idea of what i'll be having and how and I'm dead excited! Oh to have a purpose in life!!!! The lady at the chemist knows about my plans and she made me promise I'll go in and see her and give her updates! I told her she probably wont recognise me! That positive thinking has definitely kicked in!

La Perouse (where Danny's is) was beautiful and we hung out on the rocks with the kids exploring the rock pools and we dreamt about what I would be wearing this time next year and how our lives would be different. I am looking at everything I eat and how I eat it and am conscious of how things will change but I just cant wait now. Thank God they got me in straight away. I'd be a mental case and would stress eat another 20kg on.

Things may be very different this time tomorrow when I'm feint and violent from starvation but until then bye bye old shaggs, its been nice knowing you!